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Wednesday, June 8, 2016

The Best Damn Crumble Top Muffins!


The classic love hate relationship with the muffin top. It goes back to the old saying, "A minute on the lips, forever on the hips..." nothing is more fitting for this saying than the muffin top. So delicious, but once you eat the muffin top it's right to your... well... muffin top. However, muffins are the best breakfast treat. I remember as a kid I would put a mammoth pad of butter on top of my muffin and I would devour the top of the muffin leaving all the crumbs covering the kitchen table. I wouldn't even eat the rest of the muffin. The key to the perfect muffin is that yummy crumble top! 

As you can tell from the picture below, this is a much loved recipe that's been used over and over. I got it off Pinterest a long time ago and it certainly is the best damn muffin recipe.

Let me make that recipe slightly more legible:

Ingredients:
  • 1 1/2 cup all-purpose flour
  • 3/4 cup white sugar
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
  • 2 teaspoon baking powder
  • 1/3 cup veg. oil
  • 1 egg
  • 1/3 cup milk
  • 1 cup fruit/filling of choice (you can go for the classic blueberry or chocolate chips, but I've even used blackberries and raspberries - basically whatever yummy I can get my hands on)
Topping Ingredients:
  • 1/2 cup white sugar
  • 1/3 cup all-purpose flour
  • 1/4 cup butter (Room Temperature!)
  • 1 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon

Directions:

  • Preheat oven 400 degrees F and grease muffin cups
  • Combine 1 1/2 cup flour, 3/4 cup sugar, salt, and baking powder. 
  • Place veg. oil into a 1 cup measuring cup and add the egg and enough milk to fill the cup. Mix this into your Flour mixture
  • Fold in blueberries (or whatever you picked to make these things fucking awesome)
  • Fill muffin cups right to the top.
  • Whip together all those toppings and beat them like a red headed step child and then cover your muffins with that sugary deliciousness like you are praying to get diabetes.
  • Bake 20-25 minutes
Now an important part of my blog: There are ALWAYS things that can make recipes better and there is also almost ALWAYS something important left out of the recipe when you find it on Pinterest. So here's what I learned that is essential in making this better than Suzy homemaker's boring recipe:

First, Add some damn vanilla. I mean come on! Vanilla makes everything better. Throw a dash of it in your muffin mix and it adds that extra silky yummy flavor.
Second, and most important!! Your butter needs to be room temperature. If it's not your topping will not get the signature crumbles and you completely failed at life. Don't worry though if you are craving muffins and you don't have an entire stick of butter out at room temperature you can microwave it to soften it up. The muffin will taste just as yummy, but it will have more of a caramelized top and won't look as pretty, but that's alright.

My journey making this beast: 
So I had been pondering making a blog about a girl who tries to make all the various things on pinterest and shows the real outcome of things, because we all have those horror stories of failed pinterest attempts and then we all have the epic best thing ever. I finally decided one night I'm going to do it and start with the muffins I love. Well turns out my wonderful boyfriend used like the last of everything in the house. I had no egg, no milk, and like hardly enough butter. That's okay. I am the queen of substitution. I learned my mad baking skills in rural Michigan. I couldn't just run to the store if I forgot something. I had to make due. (For more on this see my page of the great jumbo page o substitutions)
Starting off so far so good, first substitution: Egg whites and a little flaxseed meal for the egg. (If you don't have egg whites you can even combine 1 Tablespoon ground flax seeds with 3 tablespoons water) Throw in some applesauce and a little extra egg white for the lack of milk. Am I even making the same damn recipe anymore? At this point I start to get a smidge frightened that this will even still turn out resembling a muffin at all with all the substitutions, but I've gone this far I can't stop now.
I force my boyfriend to try the batter as punishment for using the last of everything I needed to cook with. He approves and so I fold in the blueberries. Oh man look at this deliciousness. Shhh don't tell anyone, but I did have to use frozen blueberries. 



Next I load up those suckers in a greased pan. (Yes, I actually greased it this time. I am notorious for forgetting this crucial step.)



The yield for this recipe varies a little every time I make it, but it is usually about six muffins. Next I throw together the topping ingredients which I actually have all of, aside from being a tablespoon short of butter, but hey I'll take it.


Mix it all up till you get a good crumble mixture and then put on top of those muffins. Looking good. Another little addition I like to add is a sprinkle of granulated sugar on top to give it a little more crunch. 



Next step, and always the hardest in baking, throw it in the oven and wait 20-25 minutes. These bad boys will make your house smell soooo good.



So I got a little over zealous with the toping and it kinda spilled over making the lovely black mess on the bottom of my stove, but hey it is pretty much mandatory for me to make a giant fucking mess anytime I cook, so we're good. Cause these babies look freaking yummy! I will admit it is not the most photogenic muffin, but it is sooooo good and it tastes way better than it looks! 

May I present to you the finished Best Damn Crumble Top Muffin!!!









Thursday, July 18, 2013

The Real Breakdown of Minimum.

So a new and trending article is McDonalds and Visa's monthly income breakdown to help it's employees budget. (If you are unfamiliar with the article here is a link to a condensed version of it
Here) Before I go any further I would like to clarify that this is not an argument for or against McDonalds. I think it is great they are trying to help employees make the most of their money. This is simply to show what real minimum wage is going to get you.
This is their breakdown of the budgeting:
 
First: Let's assume you are a normal human being and do not work 80 hours a week. At Michigan's minimum wage you would make:$1,184 dollars a month working a 40 hour week BEFORE taxes. Oh and this is also before a lot of employers will be reducing their full-time staff to 30 hours a week because of insurance requirements. Michigan also has a higher minimum wage than other states. Consider yourself lucky.
Next: Monthly expenses.
  • Savings! HA with $1,184 a month we won't even consider savings. 
  • Mortgage/Rent for this area in Michigan I will say is pretty reasonable.
  • Car Payment. According to Dave Ramsey the average car payment is $475. But let's say we have a junker and cut that payment in half that's still about $237 dollars.
  • Car SLASH home insurance: LOL! 100 dollars to insure your car AND your house? Let's put it this way: I have never had a ticket or accident and I am paying $140 a month for car insurance, (but if you had that junker that gives you the cheep car payment, you can bet your sweet ass you will be paying more for car insurance!) Let's just assume you are renting and you choose not to have renters insurance. I mean... after that car insurance payment can you afford renters?
  • Health Insurance? What Health Insurance? And who has ever paid 20$ a month for health insurance? Let's assume, because you have a minimum wage job that the state gives you free insurance.
  • Heating. This is my favorite. ZERO dollars!?! I think I will be fine if I live in Michigan without heating for a winter. See you in the spring when I defrost. DTE Energy says the average cost for natural gas is $80 a month. Let's say you skimp on the heat, because your broke and your bill is $60.
  • Cable/Phone. Cable is not something you need to live and a phone is important for emergencies. A 60 minute airtime card for TracFone for the basic phone needs is $20 a month. 
  • Electric I would say is reasonable
  • Oh wait... Where is food on their budget? Nowhere. I do a lot of couponing and still spend about $200 a month on food/groceries/health and hygiene.
  • Also, How are you supposed to get to work? The majority of Michigan residents live in rural areas and have to drive to work. Because gas is something so crazy it is hard to budget for that and with that Junker car you have for a low car payment you can be sure it is a gas hog. Let's assume you pay $150 a month in gas for your car.
IT IS MATH TIME! With my justified expenses above let's recalculate this budget.
Monthly Gross Income: $1,184
Monthly Expenses:
Savings: $0
Mortgage/Rent: $600
Car Payment: $237
Car/Home Insurance: $140
Health Insurance: $0
Heating: $60
Cable/Phone: $20
Food/Groceries/Essential Living Supplies: $200
Gas for Your Car: $150
Monthly Expenses Total: $1,407
Monthly Spending: - $223 

Oh would you look at that. You are in the red! Living with the bear minimum. I guess they were right, you better not be buying any food! Remember: I did this with Gross income (before we take out taxes) and you are still $223 dollars in the red.McDonalds and Visa have a great idea trying to teach employees how to budget, but it will never be effective, because they are not teaching them how to budget for their real life, or even how to budget to have enough money to eat. Unfortunately, this is how many people live every day.


Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Southern Food

There are numerous things that make me happy. I get a lot of simple pleasures in my life. But in this post I will just feature one: Southern Food.
While in Kentucky I got to enjoy some amazing Southern Food. (Which is the thing I missed the most about living in Florida.)  So I am going to give you some recipes for my top three favorite southern foods.They are in no particular order they are just things I enjoy. I have not made these exact recipes before, so if you do you will have to tell me how they turn out!

1. Fruit Salad! (But you are required to eat it on a beach for the full effect)

Directions: Cut fruit. Put in Container.
Advice: I suggest cutting up some lemon slices to put in the bottom. This gives the rest of the salad some zest and by the time you get to the bottom of the Salad the lemons have sucked up all the other juices. This way you can eat the lemon slice without them being bitter. The lemon slices are actually my favorite part of the whole salad. Fruit Salad also tastes really great with Johnnie Walker Black Label. (I do not even like Whiskey, but for some reason this makes a good combination that I enjoy.)

2. Grouper! (Okay this probably does not count as a southern food, but I grew up where we had fresh grouper everyday.)
Directions: http://www.myrecipes.com/recipe/spicy-grilled-grouper-10000001733518/
Advice: If you do not enjoy spicy grouper there are plenty of alternatives like lemon-basil, just the plain fish, etc. Grouper, and any fish really, is extremely versatile. That's what makes it so cool. Having a cook out with a lot of friends? Put it in a Bun. Romantic dinner for two? Throw it on a bed of rice with fresh picked herbs. So many options.

3. Hushpuppies. Someone asked me what a hushpuppy was and it occurred to me... I don't really know. All I know is it is delicious.
Directions:http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/paula-deen/hushpuppies-recipe/index.html
Advice: This is a really great side dish for the grouper mentioned above. For interesting dinner conversation here is a fun fact: Legend says that hushpuppies were first invented by hunters (and/or I have heard both) civil war soldiers to feed their dogs so they would keep quiet while they were hunting/in battle.

Enjoy!

Thursday, June 13, 2013

My Life as a Drug Dealer

They come up to you and have the jitters. They are easily irritated an annoyed. They want what they came for and now. They want to have the quickest transaction with you as possible. They are in and out and you always know what they are here for. They are hooked and can not stop. They are the most common form of druggies. They are addicted to caffeine.
As a Barista, my job is being a professional drug dealer. Caffeine IS a drug and it is always important to remember that. I feel like people are constantly undermining the effects of caffeine on their system. I was one of those people too. If you do not believe caffeine is a drug visit a college campus during exam time. Being a Barista on a college campus is the equivalent of being a heroin dealer in the drug world. You have the most intense, dependent, tweaking people as a customer base than any other coffee shop.
In the coffee shop world there are thousands of strains of coffee just like drugs. The coffee comes from all over the world and different regions. Then you have thousands of different combinations of coffees that lead to thousands of different tastes and levels of highs. I would be willing to bet that there are more "strains" of caffeine than there are strains of marijuana.
I constantly have to give out free samples of the drug to get new people hooked. I give out 50 free samples in two hours. People can not refuse. Then they come back to the store within the hour to purchase more for themselves.
Just remember caffeine is a drug and your friendly neighborhood Barista is your drug dealer. Like all things moderation can be fine and fun, but over use is dangerous just like any other drug.